He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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