I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
