That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
