dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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