he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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