I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
