Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
