She announced her abortion via fbk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
