I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
