I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
