She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
