I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
