i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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