Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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