I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
