So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
