I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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