I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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