Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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