i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
