Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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