i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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