so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I checked into jail on foursquare
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize