so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
