i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
