I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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