PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
