Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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