grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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