Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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