just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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