wat bout pragnant strippers??
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.