Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.