i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone