He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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