Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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