I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
