my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
