There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
