Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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