Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
