I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
