My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
