Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
birth control should be required to get into college
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
