I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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