So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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