WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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