All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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