my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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