Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
