Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You dont lie about slip and slides
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
