She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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