the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
