Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
