Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
