Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
