Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
