I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
