Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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