are you still at the devil's house?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
