the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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