Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
