Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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