turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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