i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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