I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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