If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
