I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
